10 Things to Consider Before Getting a Divorce

Deciding whether or not to get a divorce is a complex and personal decision that requires careful consideration. It is not a decision that should be taken lightly, as it can have significant emotional, financial, and legal consequences.

There are many factors to consider when deciding whether or not to get a divorce. Some people may end their marriage due to irreconcilable differences, infidelity, abuse, or a lack of emotional or physical connection. Others may stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children, financial stability, or other practical considerations.

Ultimately, the decision to get a divorce should be based on what is best for you and your overall well-being. 

If you are considering a divorce, you may want to think about several things before making a decision. 

1. Should You Consider Counseling Before Getting a Divorce?

When a marriage is experiencing difficulties, it can be tempting to consider divorce immediately as a solution. However, before making such a significant and potentially life-changing decision, it may be helpful to consider the possibility of couples counseling as a means of improving the relationship.

Couples counseling is a therapy that focuses on helping couples improve their communication, resolve conflicts, and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. It can be an effective way to address issues in a marriage and explore potential solutions.

Couples counseling is not a magic solution that can fix every problem in a marriage. However, it can be helpful in improving communication, resolving conflicts, and finding ways to move forward together. It is essential to be open and honest in couples counseling and to be willing to work on the issues in your relationship.

If you are considering a divorce, discussing the possibility of couples counseling with your spouse may be helpful. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it may be a worthwhile investment in your relationship’s long-term health and happiness.

2. What Impact Will Divorce Have on My Children? 

Divorce can have different effects on children depending on their age, the specifics of the divorce, and how the parents continue to treat each other. Children may generally experience a wide range of emotions in response to their parents’ divorce, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.

Divorce can also have practical implications for children, including changes to their living arrangements and parenting time and potential changes to their financial situation. Children may also have to adjust to new routines and rules in each household.

It is crucial for parents to consider the potential impact of a divorce on their children and to take steps to minimize any adverse effects. This may include maintaining a sense of stability and consistency for the children, communicating openly and honestly with them about the divorce, and continuing to provide love and support.

It is also important to remember that every child is different and may react to divorce in their own way. It is important to be patient, understanding, and supportive of your children as they adjust to the changes brought about by the divorce.

3. Are You in an Abusive Marriage?

An abusive marriage is a relationship in which one spouse uses physical, emotional, or psychological abuse to control or dominate the other spouse. This can be a deeply traumatic and frightening experience, and it is vital for anyone in an abusive marriage to seek help and support.

If you are in an abusive marriage, remember that you are not alone and that help is available. It is never okay for someone to abuse you. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

The first and most crucial step is to ensure your safety. Call 911 or your local emergency number if you are in immediate danger. Many resources are available to help you get out of an abusive situation, including hotlines, shelters, and support groups. These resources can provide a safe place to stay and connect you with people who can help you develop a plan to leave the abusive relationship.

If you are in an abusive situation. Help can be found at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Their phone number is 1-800-799-7233.

It is also important to seek the support of trusted friends and family members and a counselor or therapist can help you work through the emotional and psychological effects of abuse. It may also be necessary to seek the assistance of a qualified attorney who can help you navigate the legal process and protect your rights.

Leaving an abusive marriage can be difficult, but it is often the best option for your safety and well-being. It is important to remember that you have the right to live a life free from abuse and that there are people and resources available to help you.

4. Are You in a Loveless Marriage? 

A loveless marriage is a relationship in which one or both spouses feel a lack of emotional connection or fulfillment. This can be difficult and painful, and it can be challenging to determine the best course of action.

There are many reasons why a marriage may become loveless. Some common causes include emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, a lack of communication or intimacy, or simply growing apart over time. Whatever the reason, living in a loveless marriage can be emotionally draining and may cause feelings of loneliness, sadness, and frustration.

If you feel you are in a marriage that is loveless, you should take the time to assess your situation and determine what is best for you. This may involve seeking the support and guidance of a therapist or counselor who can help you explore your options and find healthy ways to cope with your emotions.

It is also important to remember that relationships can be complex, and it is normal for there to be ups and downs. It may be possible to work through the challenges in your marriage and find ways to strengthen your relationship. However, if the issues in your marriage are severe and cannot be resolved, it may be necessary to consider the possibility of a divorce.

5. Are You in a Sexless Marriage?

Being in a sexless marriage can be difficult and frustrating. It is normal for the frequency of sexual intimacy to change over time in a relationship. Still, if you feel that your lack of physical intimacy is causing problems in your marriage, it may be worth addressing the issue.

Here are a few steps you might consider taking if you are in a sexless marriage:

  1. Talk to your partner: It is important to communicate your feelings and concerns openly and honestly. Try to approach the conversation non-accusatory, and be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective.
  2. Seek support: It can be helpful to seek the aid of a therapist or counselor who can assist you and your partner work through the issues in your relationship. A therapist can provide a safe and neutral space to discuss your concerns and explore potential solutions.
  3. Explore the underlying causes: There may be underlying causes for the lack of physical intimacy in your marriage, such as relationship issues, health problems, or stress. Working with a therapist to identify and address these underlying causes may be helpful.
  4. Find ways to reconnect: It may be helpful to reconnect with your partner and build intimacy in your relationship. This could include finding activities you enjoy doing together, expressing your love and appreciation for each other, and setting aside time for romantic gestures and physical affection.

It is important to remember that every relationship is different, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It is essential to approach the issue of a sexless marriage with patience, understanding, and a willingness to work together to find solutions.

6. Is Your Marriage Falling Apart Because of Financial Difficulties?

Financial troubles can be a significant source of stress and strain in a marriage, and it is not uncommon for couples to consider divorce as a way to address these issues. However, it is important to carefully consider all the potential consequences of divorce before deciding.

While financial difficulties can be a challenging and overwhelming problem, they do not necessarily mean that a divorce is the best solution. It may be possible to work together to address financial issues and find ways to improve your financial situation. This could include creating a budget, finding ways to increase income, or seeking the assistance of a financial advisor or counselor.

If you are considering divorce due to financial problems, it may be helpful to seek the support and guidance of a therapist or counselor who can help you and your spouse work through the issues in your relationship. A therapist can provide a safe and neutral space to discuss your concerns and explore potential solutions.

In the end, deciding to divorce because of money problems is a very personal choice that should be made carefully and with the help of trusted advisors. If you are having trouble with money in your marriage and are thinking about getting a divorce, you might want to talk to a good lawyer who can tell you about your legal rights and options.

7. Should You Divorce Because of Infidelity? 

Infidelity can be a deeply painful and traumatic experience for a spouse, and it is not uncommon for people to consider a divorce in response to infidelity. However, you should carefully consider all the potential consequences of divorce before deciding.

A marriage can be saved after infidelity, but it requires a significant amount of work and commitment from both spouses. Healing from the pain and betrayal of cheating is a process that takes time, and it may be necessary for the couple to seek the support of a therapist or counselor to work through the issues in their relationship.

If you are considering saving your marriage after infidelity, it is crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse about your feelings and concerns. It may be helpful to set clear boundaries and establish guidelines for rebuilding trust. It is also essential to be patient, as healing from infidelity is a process that takes time and requires a great deal of effort from both spouses.

In order to avoid further affairs, it’s crucial to take into account any underlying problems that may have contributed to the infidelity and to work together to resolve them. This may involve seeking the assistance of a therapist or counselor who can help the couple improve their communication and resolve conflicts.

Ultimately, whether or not a marriage can be saved after infidelity depends on the relationship’s specific circumstances and the spouses’ willingness to work together to heal and rebuild their relationship. 

It could be beneficial to seek the advice and direction of a therapist or counselor who can provide you with the tools and resources you need to proceed if you are dealing with infidelity in your relationship and are thinking about saving your marriage.

8. Can You Afford to Get Divorced? 

The financial consequences of a divorce can vary depending on the specific circumstances of the divorce, including the assets and debts of the couple, the income and earning potential of each spouse, and any children involved. In general, divorce can have significant financial consequences, including:

  1. Division of assets and debts: During a divorce, the assets and debts of the couple must be divided between the two spouses. This can be a complex process, and you must understand your rights and responsibilities regarding the division of assets and debts.
  2. Alimony payments: In some cases, one spouse may be required to make alimony payments to the other spouse. Alimony, also known as spousal support or maintenance, is designed to help a spouse maintain a similar standard of living after the divorce.
  3. Changes to your tax situation: A divorce can also impact your tax situation. For example, you may no longer be able to file taxes jointly, and you may be eligible for other tax credits or deductions.
  4. Changes to your financial plans: A divorce can also require you to make changes to your financial plans and goals. This may include reassessing your budget, updating your estate plan, and changing your insurance coverage.

It is important to carefully consider the potential financial consequences of divorce before deciding. It can be helpful to speak with a financial advisor or attorney who can provide information about your rights and options.

9. Should You Consider a Trial Separation Before Divorce?

A trial separation can be a good idea for some couples struggling in their relationship and considering a divorce. A trial separation allows a couple to take a break from each other and evaluate their relationship and individual needs.

During a trial separation, a couple may choose to live apart for a set period of time while remaining legally married. This can provide an opportunity for each spouse to gain some perspective on the relationship and assess whether they want to continue working on the marriage or move forward with a divorce.

There are a few things to consider if you are thinking about a trial separation:

  1. Set clear boundaries: You must establish clear boundaries and guidelines for the separation, including how you will communicate with each other, whether you will see other people, and how you will handle financial and practical matters.
  2. Seek support: A trial separation can be a difficult and emotional time. You will need to have a strong support system of friends and family to lean on during this time. It is also helpful to seek the support of a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support as you navigate the challenges of the separation.
  3. Use the time wisely: A trial separation can be an opportunity to reflect on your relationship and what you want for the future. Use this time to focus on your own needs and goals and to consider what you want from your relationship.

In the end, the choice of whether to try a trial separation or go through with a divorce is a very personal one that should be made carefully and with the help of trusted advisors. If you are struggling in your relationship and are thinking about a trial separation or a divorce, speak with a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance as you explore your options.

10. Do You Have a Support System In Place to Survive Divorce? 

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional experience, and it is essential to have a strong support system to help you cope with your challenges. A support system can provide you with emotional and practical support and a sense of connection and community during a time of change and uncertainty.

Many different types of support can be helpful during a divorce, including:

  1. Emotional support: It is critical to have people you can talk to and confide in who will listen to your feelings and offer support and encouragement. This may include friends, family members, or a therapist or counselor.
  2. Practical support: Going through a divorce can also involve practical challenges, such as dividing assets and debts, making arrangements for children, and adjusting to a new financial situation. It can be helpful to have a support system in place to help you navigate these challenges and provide practical assistance as needed.
  3. Community support: It can be helpful to be a part of a community of people going through a similar experience. This may include support groups, online forums, or other resources for people going through a divorce.

Ultimately, the support you need during a divorce will depend on your circumstances and needs. Take the time to identify your support system and seek out the help and guidance you need to get through this difficult time,

Should You Hire an Attorney for Your Divorce? 

If you are considering divorce, it is typically wise to sit down with a qualified family law attorney who can provide you with information about your legal rights and options. A divorce can be a complex and emotional process, and having an experienced legal advocate can help protect your interests and ensure that the process goes as smoothly as possible.

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Tim

Tim McDuffey is a practicing attorney in the State of Missouri. Tim is a licensed member of the Missouri Bar and Missouri Bar Association.

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