Establishing an overnight visitation schedule is an area where parents may experience conflict.
If you are a noncustodial parent who sees your child regularly, you might be curious about the rules for overnight visits. If overnight stays are permitted, a frequently asked question is whether parents must have a separate bedroom for their child during these visits.
Likewise, custodial parents want to know where their child sleeps and whether they will have a separate bedroom when they stay overnight at the noncustodial parent’s house.
This article is written to assist parents in understanding overnight sleeping requirements.
Is There a Law On Overnight Sleeping Arrangements?
No hard-and-fast law exists for overnight sleeping arrangements because every circumstance is different. Most of the time, courts do not stipulate in the custody agreement that the child shall have a separate room during overnight visits.
While no law compels a parent to give a child their own room, the law does provide a judge the discretion to order it. A judge presiding over a child custody case has broad discretion to hear from witnesses, including social workers, psychologists, teachers, and any other professionals whose point of view might impact a child’s welfare.
A judge is always required to consider the child’s best interest. This includes where the child will sleep and who will be in the child’s room.
Most judges will give parents plenty of flexibility regarding overnight arrangements. In the case of a temporary living arrangement, it may be ok to have the child sleep on a couch or a pallet on the living room floor. While this may be fine for a short time, a judge will want to know that a more permanent arrangement will be made to give the child their own bed.
Courts consider the child’s age, level of maturity, development, and any potential special needs when looking at sleeping arrangements. After considering all of these factors, courts may order the noncustodial parent to give the child a separate room if they determine that one is necessary.
As the child gets older, the sleeping arrangement also changes. For instance, the sleeping arrangements of a one-year-old infant who spends weekends with a noncustodial parent will differ from those of a teenager.
Infants can usually sleep in a crib, playpen, or bassinet in the same room as an older person, even if that person is of the opposite sex. For an older child, sharing a room with a person of the opposite sex might be a problem. For example, a court will not look favorably on a teenage girl sharing a bedroom with an adult male.
The sleeping arrangement for a teenager is also different from that of younger children. Teenagers usually want privacy and need their own space. In this scenario, the noncustodial parent ought to give the teenager a separate room if possible. If it’s not possible, the noncustodial parent should try to provide the teenager with as much privacy as possible.
There is no clear-cut legal rule regarding this matter, but courts consider all the above circumstances when determining child custody. Ultimately, courts decide what is in the child’s best interests regarding the sleeping arrangements.
Why Would a Court Want a Child to Have Their Own Room?
Most experts will tell you that a child needs a place to call their own. There is more to this than just a biological need. It is an essential psychological need. For a child to flourish, the child needs:
- The sense of belonging and being loved. A child needs intimate relationships with strong family ties and friends to thrive.
- A sense of self-respect and a feeling of accomplishment.
Even if it is only for a weekend every month, providing your child with a bedroom shows you respect them as individuals, want them to have privacy, and want your house to be their home. Having a room of their own at your place allows them to decorate their walls, a place to play with friends, and a place to sleep comfortably.
As a noncustodial parent, you should decorate your home as if you had full custody of the children. You should not need the custodial parent to send a toothbrush or your child’s favorite book. You should already have those things at your house.
What if You Don’t Have a Separate Bedroom for Overnight Visitation?
Technically the courts do not require you to have a separate bedroom if your child is staying overnight, though a separate bedroom for the child is preferable.
In some cases, the court will grant permission for an overnight visit without a separate bedroom, understanding that you will try to find another home with one for future overnight stays.
If not a separate bedroom, the court will probably insist that you have a separate bed for the child. You could give up your bed for the child while they are present, and you sleep on the couch.
You should be prepared to argue your case to the court in a way that is favorable to you if you do not currently have a separate bedroom space available for the child. Looking for a new living arrangement with more space is best if you anticipate future overnight visits happening more frequently.
Can Children of the Opposite Sex Share Bedrooms During Overnight Visitation?
Federal and state laws do not prohibit children from sharing a bedroom. This means that parents can provide shared sleeping quarters for the children in their household. Children of any age can share a room with their siblings, including infants, toddlers, young children, and teenagers. Families must decide what’s best for their children based on their living situation.
No matter the children’s ages or whether they are of the same gender, this rule applies to all of them. If the parents believe it is appropriate, it is perfectly acceptable for a 5-year-old girl to share a room with a 12-year-old boy, for instance.
As children get older, it is best if children of the opposite sex have separate bedrooms. One should avoid having stepchildren of the opposite sex share bedrooms after they reach adolescence.
Can Custody Be Modified Because of Inappropriate Sleeping Arrangements?
Sometimes, a court will modify child custody because of poor sleeping arrangements. Let me describe a few of them for you.
Case One:
A mother divorced the father and started living with another woman, sharing a bed with her. The custodial parent complained that the child did not have her own bed at her mother’s house. The court determined that the child was required to sleep in the same bed with the two women. The court further found that the mother and her lover would sleep naked with the child in bed on several occasions.
The court, in that case, found that the sleeping arrangement was inappropriate and ordered overnight visitation to stop until the mother could provide the child with her own room.
Case Two:
In this case, the mother filed a motion to modify the child custody order because her 11-year-old daughter was sharing a bed with her father because of the crowded living arrangements at his house.
As the daughter was beginning adolescence, the court determined that having a separate room during the visitation was in the child’s best interests. The court ordered the noncustodial father to give his daughter a private room during visitation as part of a modification to the custody agreement.
Case Three:
In another case, a mother petitioned the court to modify the custody order because her four children and their father shared the same bedroom at the father’s residence. Two boys had to share a bed, and the teenage daughter had no privacy.
The court determined that Father’s living conditions legitimately affected the children’s physical, intellectual, moral, and spiritual well-being. The court modified the custody arrangement and ordered the father to find “suitable housing,” concluding that suitable housing would be a three-bedroom house. See RSL v. CNL, Pa: Superior Court 2017
As you can see from these three cases, everything depends on each case’s particulars. If you want to change the custody agreement to accommodate different sleeping arrangements, speak with an experienced family law attorney in your jurisdiction.
What if a Parent Cannot Afford a Separate Room for the Child?
The custodial parent may ask the court to change the custody arrangement if the noncustodial parent cannot afford to provide the child with a separate room. However, without a court ruling, they cannot withhold the child from another parent.
If it is in the child’s best interest, the court may modify the order to cancel overnight visitation. If this is the case, the court may allow only daytime visits. If this happens, the noncustodial parent should maintain reasonable contact with their child to avoid alienation from the child.
“Birdnesting” custody can be considered if noncustodial parents cannot arrange a reasonable sleeping arrangement at their place.
“Birdnesting” is a way of life that enables kids to stay in the family house and spend time with both parents. With birdnesting, each parent resides at the residence during the predetermined custody period and travels elsewhere when “off duty.”
Instead of the children having to live in two separate houses, birdnesting burdens the parents.
Can a Parent Lose Overnight Visitation for Living in a Hotel Room?
The court may consider that you are living in a hotel when making a custody decision, but you may not lose custody just because you are living in a hotel.
Suppose you have lost your housing and are temporarily living in a hotel. In that case, the court might terminate overnight visitation until you can find accommodation and make suitable sleeping arrangements.
Whether the court would deny overnight visitation because you are living in a hotel will also depend on the quality of the hotel, how long you intend to stay at the hotel, your child’s age, etc. Remember, when deciding child custody and visitation, the court will always consider the child’s best interests.
Conclusion
Noncustodial parents who are successful with child visitation put their kids’ needs above their own. I recommend creating a home that is warm and inviting for your children. Do not have a new partner sleep over when your children spend the night.
Spend your time and money on what your visiting kids want, and strive to make your house as kid-friendly as possible.
If you have questions about sleeping arrangements for your children, seek the advice of an experienced family law attorney in your jurisdiction.