Finding Common Ground: A Look at the Divorce Mediation Process

We understand that going through a divorce is difficult for anyone, and the expense and delay of legal proceedings can often make it even more stressful.

It can be difficult to make rational decisions when feelings are running high. Fortunately, divorce mediation is a process that can help couples reach a settlement without the need for a court battle.

This article will discuss the benefits of divorce mediation, how it works, and whether it is right for you.

What is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation is a process where a neutral third party, a mediator, helps couples work through the issues involved in ending their marriage. The mediator helps the couple negotiate a fair and reasonable settlement for both parties.

In divorce mediation, the couple meets with the mediator to discuss the issues that must be resolved. These issues can include child custody and support, spousal support, and the division of assets and debts.

Mediation is a much more cost-effective and efficient option than going to court, and it can help to reduce the emotional toll that a divorce can take on everyone involved.

What Are the Benefits of Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation can provide many benefits for couples going through a divorce. Some of the most significant benefits of divorce mediation include the following:

Most Divorces Settle at Mediation

Cost Savings

Control Over The Outcome

Confidential

Faster Settlement

Better Communication

Reduced Conflict

Better Post Divorce Relationship

1. Most Divorces Settle at Mediation

In my experience as a trial attorney, about 90% of my cases settle at mediation. In my conversations with professional mediators, they indicated that about 80% of divorce cases are settled during mediation.

According to a report by the American Bar Association, approximately 80-90% of cases that go through mediation are settled.

It is important to remember that not all cases that go to mediation will be successfully resolved, and some may need to proceed to trial.

In my experience, a mediation’s success rate can vary depending on the case’s specific circumstances and the mediator’s skill and experience.

2. Cost savings

One of the main benefits of mediation is cost savings compared to traditional divorce proceedings. Mediation can be significantly less expensive than going to court with lawyers.

Here are some ways mediation can help save costs:

Fewer attorney fees: In mediation, the parties work with a neutral mediator instead of hiring their own lawyer. This can significantly reduce legal fees, as the mediator guides the parties through the process and helps them negotiate a settlement.

Faster resolution: Mediation can be completed more quickly than a traditional divorce, which can drag on for months or even years. A shorter process can mean fewer attorney fees, less time missed from work, and less stress.

Lower court costs: When a case goes to trial, there are court fees associated with filing paperwork, having a judge hear the case and other legal processes. Mediation can help avoid some of these costs.

3. Control over the outcome

One of the benefits of divorce mediation is that the parties have more control over the settlement than they would in a trial.

In mediation, the parties work together with a mediator to reach a mutually agreeable settlement. This allows them to have more input and control over the terms of the agreement rather than leaving the outcome to a judge in a trial.

Here are some ways that mediation can give the parties more control over the settlement:

Customization: In mediation, the parties are free to come up with a settlement tailored to their specific needs and circumstances. They can address all the important issues rather than being limited by the legal issues a court would consider in a trial.

Flexibility: Mediation allows the parties to be more flexible in the terms of their settlement. For example, they can agree to split assets in a way that would not be possible in a trial, or they can agree to a unique custody arrangement that works for their family.

Cooperation: Because the parties work together to reach a settlement, they are more likely to cooperate and find common ground. This can lead to a more amicable and respectful process, which can help preserve their relationship after the divorce.

Reduced stress: By having more control over the settlement, the parties may experience less stress and anxiety than they would in a trial. They can work at their own pace and find a solution that works for them rather than feeling like they are at the court’s mercy.

4. Confidentiality

Confidentiality is one of the benefits of divorce mediation. Mediation proceedings are generally confidential, meaning the parties can feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of being used against them in court.

Here are some ways that confidentiality can be a benefit of divorce mediation:

Open communication: In mediation, the parties are encouraged to communicate openly and honestly with each other and the mediator. Confidentiality can help facilitate this communication by creating a safe space where the parties can express their views without worrying that they will be used against them in court.

Privacy: Unlike court proceedings, mediation sessions are typically conducted in a private setting, which can help protect the parties’ privacy. This can be especially important in sensitive matters such as child custody or financial issues.

Protecting sensitive information: Mediation confidentiality can help protect sensitive information from being disclosed in court. For example, if the parties agree to a settlement that includes certain financial disclosures or personal information, this information can remain confidential and not be made part of the public record.

More creative solutions: Because mediation is confidential, the parties can feel more comfortable exploring creative solutions to their issues without fear of embarrassment or judgment. This can lead to more innovative and customized solutions that meet the parties’ unique needs.

5. Faster Resolution

Mediation can often lead to a faster divorce resolution than going to court. Divorce litigation can be lengthy, with cases sometimes taking years to resolve. However, mediation can typically be completed in a much shorter timeframe.

Here are some reasons why mediation can lead to a faster resolution:

Control over the timeline: In mediation, the parties have more control over the timeline of the process. They can schedule sessions at times that work for them and at their own pace rather than being subject to the scheduling and deadlines of the court.

No waiting for court dates: In a traditional divorce, the parties must wait for court dates and hearings, which can cause delays and prolong the process. In mediation, the parties can work together with the mediator to find a mutually agreeable schedule for sessions, which can help move the process along more quickly.

Focus on the settlement: In mediation, the parties focus on reaching a settlement that works for them rather than fighting over every detail in court. This can lead to a more efficient process and a faster resolution.

6. Better Communication

Divorce mediation can help improve communication between the parties. In fact, one of the primary goals of mediation is to facilitate open and effective communication between the parties, which can help them reach a mutually agreeable resolution to their divorce.

Here are some ways that divorce mediation can help with better communication:

Neutral third party: The mediator is a neutral third party who is trained to help the parties communicate more effectively. The mediator can facilitate discussions and help the parties identify and address the underlying issues causing conflict.

Safe and respectful environment: In mediation, the parties are encouraged to communicate in a safe and respectful environment. The mediator can set ground rules for the discussions, such as allowing each party to speak without interruption, which can help create a more productive dialogue.

Emphasis on active listening: In mediation, the parties are encouraged to listen to each other’s perspectives and concerns actively. This can help improve communication by allowing the parties to understand each other’s needs and priorities better.

Focus on interests, not positions: Mediation encourages the parties to focus on their interests and needs rather than their positions. This can help the parties communicate more effectively by reducing defensiveness and promoting a collaborative approach to problem-solving.

7. Reduced Conflict

Divorce mediation can help reduce conflict between the parties. One of the primary benefits of mediation is that it can help the parties resolve their divorce more amicably and cooperatively, reducing the level of conflict between them.

Here are some ways that divorce mediation can help reduce conflict:

Neutral third party: The mediator is a neutral third party trained to help the parties communicate more effectively and find common ground. The mediator can help identify areas of agreement and facilitate discussions to help the parties resolve their differences.

Focus on cooperation: Mediation encourages the parties to work together to find a mutually agreeable solution to their divorce. This can reduce conflict by promoting cooperation and collaboration rather than a confrontational, adversarial approach.

Emphasis on needs and interests: Mediation encourages the parties to focus on their needs and interests rather than their positions. This can help reduce conflict by helping the parties identify and address the underlying issues causing the conflict.

Safe and respectful environment: In mediation, the parties are encouraged to communicate in a safe and respectful environment. The mediator can set ground rules for the discussions, such as allowing each party to speak without interruption, which can help reduce conflict by promoting a more productive dialogue.

8. Better Post-Divorce Relationship

Divorce mediation can help with the post-divorce relationship between the parties. While divorce can be difficult and emotionally charged, mediation can provide a safe and respectful environment for the parties to work together to resolve their differences.

By promoting effective communication and collaboration, mediation can help the parties reach a mutually agreeable resolution to their divorce that is respectful and fair to both parties.

Here are some ways that divorce mediation can potentially help with the post-divorce relationship:

Reducing animosity: Mediation encourages the parties to work together to find a mutually agreeable solution to their divorce. This can help reduce animosity between the parties, making it easier for them to have a positive post-divorce relationship.

Improving communication: Mediation emphasizes effective communication, which can help the parties communicate more clearly and respectfully. This can help improve their post-divorce relationship by reducing misunderstandings and promoting a more productive dialogue.

Addressing underlying issues: Mediation encourages the parties to identify and address the underlying issues causing conflict in their divorce. By resolving these issues, the parties may build a stronger foundation for their post-divorce relationship.

What Happens at a Divorce Mediation?

Here are some specifics of how the process of divorce mediation typically works:

Initial Meeting

The mediator will typically schedule an initial meeting with both spouses to explain the process and discuss their goals for the mediation. During this meeting, the mediator may also gather basic information about the couple’s assets, debts, careers, children, issues that led to the marriage breakdown, and other relevant issues.

Joint Sessions

The mediation process usually involves a series of joint sessions where both spouses and the mediator meet together to discuss the issues at hand. In these sessions, the mediator will help facilitate communication and guide the conversation toward productive solutions.

Private Sessions

In addition to joint sessions, the mediator will meet privately with each spouse to discuss sensitive issues or concerns they may not want to discuss in front of their partner.

Developing a Settlement Agreement

As the mediation progresses, the mediator will work with both spouses to develop a settlement agreement that addresses all of the issues that need to be resolved in the divorce. This agreement may be revised and refined over the course of several mediation sessions until both parties are satisfied with the terms.

Finalizing the Agreement: Once both parties have agreed to the terms of the settlement agreement, the mediator will draft a written document outlining the terms of the agreement. This document will be reviewed and signed by both spouses and can be submitted to the court for approval as part of the divorce proceedings.

FAQs About Divorce Mediation

What if we can’t agree on everything?

If the couple cannot reach an agreement on all issues, they may choose to go to court to resolve the remaining disputes. However, most couples can reach agreements on most issues through mediation, which can make the court process faster and less expensive.

What if one of us changes our mind after signing the agreement?

Once the agreement is signed, it becomes legally binding. However, in some cases, a party may be able to challenge the agreement if fraud, duress, or other factors made the agreement unfair or unreasonable.

How long does divorce mediation take?

The length of time it takes to complete divorce mediation depends on the complexity of the issues and the couple’s ability to reach agreements. Most divorces can be mediated and settled over the course of 4 hours.

Some couples can complete the process in one session, and others will require a couple of mediation sessions to work out a settlement.

How much does divorce mediation cost?

Divorce mediation costs vary depending on the mediator’s fees and the number of sessions required. I tell my clients that a typical mediation will cost about $1,500, split equally between the parties. So, around $750 for the cost of the mediation.

Conclusion

Divorce mediation is a process that can help couples to separate amicably and reach agreements without the need for a court battle. It is less stressful, less expensive, and more efficient than going to court.

If you are considering divorce, it is worth exploring the option of mediation to see if it is right for you.